After Dark Page layout

I have been posting a few panels about our summer camping trip over the past few weeks.  Originally I liked the sketches, they were quick and a little crude but looked decent. After looking at a couple of very inspirational online graphics such as Sithra by Jason Brubaker and some good pod casts from Jerzy Drozd I am trying to rethink the layout process....rendering light and dark in ink is still giving me trouble, still need to think less 3D and more graphic....

Here is page one of two for "After Dark"

Here is the original layout, that seemed a little boring...hope the above shows some improvement..